REAL Life -role modelling what matters most

There is always someone watching.
I'm not talking about what you see in the mirror or on social media—the number of followers you have, what's filtered or unfiltered in your camera roll. Nor am I referring to your grades or your résumé, your bank account, or your Shein haul.

So, if they're always watching, the question is: what are they really looking for?

They’re looking at your energy.
Your response to challenge or change.
Your ability to be—or learn to be—resilient.
Your grit and determination over time.
Your willingness to own or disown your mistakes and embrace what you learn from them.
Your emotional regulation.
Your tendency to give up or go for it.
The way you cope under pressure.
Your ability to laugh at yourself and love yourself despite the flaws.
The optimism or pessimism that seeps from your words and actions.
Your capacity to step up—or step in—and lead.
And so much more.

Whether you like it or not, you are a role model to someone.
It could be the little kid on the bus, a classmate, a colleague, a sibling or family member, the stranger in the café or the canteen queue, a teammate or training partner—or even your opposition. There are people observing how you “do you,” and they’re taking it all in.

A conversation with an old school friend taught me a powerful lesson about how much inspiration can be drawn from a real-life role model. I’d admired her at school for her authenticity and her willingness to be herself and live by her beliefs. I never imagined she’d seen anything in me. I was the sporty type, she was the creative one. But she shared that she had admired my determination, dedication, and drive to reach personal goals.

That blew my mind. I never thought anyone looked up to me—especially not her.

Later in life, I had the absolute privilege of having a former student reach out to tell me how much of an impact I’d had on her life. I’d coached her in basketball from Year 8 and taught her through to Year 11. She was driven and tenacious. Year 11 was a tough time for her—she went through experiences that took her to a difficult place. As her teacher and coach, I did my best to support her.

I’ll always be grateful that she let me know: just by being myself, I made a difference in her life.

Now, this isn’t meant to pressure you to suddenly get it all together or become someone you're not. It’s certainly not something I understood early on. I used to think what I did didn’t matter. I believed I was a “no one.” I thought people only saw what was on the outside—what I saw in the mirror—or measured me by my accomplishments.

As a teen, I told myself I wasn’t good enough.
So how could I possibly have an impact on anyone?

Fast forward through years of trying to prove I was enough—people-pleasing to earn approval from those who mattered (and those who didn’t)—I became a parent. That’s when everything changed.

When my son was born, I discovered a sense of worth that had never existed in me before. I realized he was absorbing everything—my energy, my words, my emotions, my behaviors. It was thick. Palpable. He became my mirror.

When I looked at him, I finally saw what I’d needed to know all those years ago:
I just needed to be REAL.

What is REAL?

Resilient. Empowered. Accountable. Loved.

I know that I am Resilient.
Over time—and through experience—I’ve developed the tools to bounce back. I’ve proven it again and again. It’s never easy, but I always find a way. Even in the messiest, most broken moments when I thought I couldn't recover, I held on to my belief that we're all part of something bigger. That we each have a purpose and a legacy to leave behind—no matter how small.

Mistakes have taught me. Discomfort has grown me.
And I’ve learned that no matter what “it” is—it will pass.
Nothing in life is permanent—except the lesson. And even when it hurts, that lesson is precious.

I know that I am Empowered.
I’ve been given strengths and values that open doors—and close them. I’ve sought out the knowledge I need, practiced confidence, and developed habits that show me I am capable. I’ve made decisions—both right and wrong—and I’ve learned to pivot when I need to.

I can set goals.
I can make choices.
I always have options.

I know that I am Accountable.
This is my life.
Everything happening in it right now stems from my own action—or inaction. My feelings are mine to own. I decide how long I sit in them, and how I share them with others. My energy follows my focus, and my perception of events shapes how that energy is passed on.

I am responsible for my life.
If I give that responsibility to someone else, I lose the power that comes with it.
I’m writing my own story. And when I own that story with authenticity, I steer the narrative and choose the path ahead.

I know that I am Loved.
To feel love from others, I first had to feel it for myself. Just existing makes me worthy of it. It took me a long time to believe that. But when my first child was born, I knew it was true.

The way love is role-modeled to us shapes how we build our own self-worth. If the people we rely on for safety and support are struggling, we struggle too. That’s the human experience. But we also have the capacity to learn and grow.

Our cells adapt—so can we.
When we’re shown love, we become better at finding it in ourselves.

I’ve realized that just by being me, I’ve offered hope and guidance to others. The more I embraced my true, authentic self—and stopped trying to please others or be perfect—the more I grew into who I really am.

The more I take up space, rather than shrink away from it, the more impact I have.

So what are they really looking for?

I think they’re looking for a real-life role model.
Someone they can connect with. Learn from.
Someone who guides not by pretending to be perfect, but by living the lessons out loud.

I can’t say what kind of role model I am.
But my hope is that I am the kind who shares struggles honestly—and inspires others to be REAL.