Struggles of a Woman

It's a constant juggle. Having multiple balls in the air constantly requires HUGE focus, and consistent, deliberate action. It is impossible to focus on everything all the time - but that does not change the expectations placed on women. I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mum of two teens. I am growing a business, teaching PDHPE at high school and I teach in a Pilates studio to ensure we pay the bills. I am studying because my career choice requires ongoing professional learning and I need to keep my accreditation valid to remain employable and insurable in my fields AND because I believe that personal growth is vital to my evolution as an educator, a mother, a woman, and a human. I am volunteering my time at our local basketball club and giving back to a sport that has helped me in so many ways, where I can. And I am a friend doing her best to support her chosen family in any way she can. It is a struggle, but it is worth it… right?

Now, I ask you not to mistake this as a comparison or a competition, nor am I seeking your attention or approval. We women do enough of that between each other and have for too long been pitted against each other to see how far we will go. In the process, we have had to chip away at our self-worth to keep up with the “Kardashians” in order to get ahead of each other. We have leaned into this space so heavily that we have taken out our combined back foot so that when someone steps forward, she does not have another leg to stand on. All the while we beat the drum of women’s empowerment and support a movement that is undermined by status and competition. So where do we find the shift we desire and deserve?

What I am saying is this….. women wear “SO MANY HATS”. In any given minute on any given day, we are expected to keep it all together, PLUS try and make time for ourselves and our own wellbeing, while also being successful and socially acceptable. Life has to be planned to the minute, but we have to be flexible to change in a second, adapting to hiccups can be insanely challenging, but we do our best with what we have at any given moment. We must survive, we must make it happen, and we must not let one hat fly off or risk being judged, and we must not wear too many hats or we risk becoming competition to others who are madly trying to reach the top of hat rack to feel seen, heard and worthy. I am sure that every woman out there can relate to that.

It's not just about the financial state of a household. If a woman was paid for all the domestic/ household duties she is in charge of for a family they say it would be close to $178,000.... that is what she is saving a household every year... let's add to this her actual paid work, and then her volunteer work.... the value of a woman is far more than is reflected by her paycheck, her relationships status, her social media account, or the perception of her contribution. Her value is INNATE. The fact she exists gifts her value beyond measure, and now it is our purpose to ensure that ALL women understand this.

And yet there are many of us who are overwhelmed by these expectations and in a state of semi-freeze, unable to take on any more, out of pure self-preservation. Feeling like they we are unable to give any more, as there is nothing left in the tank. Unable to grow anymore because we feel we can't allow ourselves to be any more than what they are right now for fear of judgment and backlash. And the conundrum is that while we are fighting to stay afloat the deluge is a constant burden, and we do not feel like we are enough, it feels like we are under the microscope, like we cannot make a mistake, like we cannot say “No”, like we are emotional, and therefore incapable. It is the hamster wheel, and we are struggling to find a way to get off. It is difficult for mums in particular. Just because we are capable of all of this doesn't mean that it is easy for us, it takes sacrifice, but at what cost?

Often the first things to go are self-care, health and wellbeing, and time for self-growth/development. To help us cope with the uneasy feeling of overwhelm, manage the unmanageable, and be everything to everyone except who we need to be for ourselves, we turn to what numbs the dull ache that is surfacing from within. The binge-watching, eating or dieting, drinking, & scrolling only mask the disconnect and emptiness that fuels our feelings of unworthiness. What more can we expect from life and ourselves when we are so exhausted by a life that is so busy we place ourselves under the doormat and lie still as we get trampled and walked past?

Women CAN do it all, the question is, should they be expected to? There needs to be more support for women to recharge, replenish, and in some cases rebirth themselves back into the life they are all called to. Greater funding for women to study, volunteer, develop themselves, and give back to their health and well-being, families, and community. ( i.e. discounted university/ accredited courses, time in lieu/ subsided income for volunteering in the community, tax benefits for supporting family/ children into sports and physical activity, government funded health care rebates for women participating in sports or physical activities, greater access to flexible work arrangements, and variety in domestic leave for both men and women to ensure that they can maintain life admin/ maintain a home). I also believe we need further education for BOYS on the reality of what life is like for a woman, and in the absence of women, and for their own personal growth, because as we all know we project onto others the feelings we have of ourselves. Working on ourselves together creates greater change for everyone.

I hear you whisper the question, How? How do we encourage and empower women and girls to be everything they can be, but not try to be everything to everyone? To live deep in her authenticity and within her integrity. To protect and support her own well-being, without sacrificing her growth and progress? To challenge herself without feeling in competition with others? To work together and support each other to rise above what the world throws at us, and to create a legacy for their daughters, sisters, and peers?

I do not have ALL the answers, but I do know what know. I know that to be inspired you must allow yourself to immerse in the flavour of inspiration from many different sources . I know that to reach your goals you must connect with them deeply and feel the emotions that will become the fuel for us to take the first, step , then next and the next. I know we need to cultivate and create an environment in which you can achieve these goals, and create the energy around yourself you need to reach them. I know that to thrive through challenges we must strive to create growth opportunities before they arrive. I know that to support and empower each other we must first trust and believe in ourselves.

So, where to from here? We move into consistent deliberate action in the space that we have. We choose not feed the emptiness that we have been surviving on. We stop the judgment and comparison. We understand that when we shift our focus to abundance over scarcity we make room for everyone. We take responsibility for the stories we are telling ourselves and others, that are holding us back us from being anything but the most authentic version of ourselves. We deep dive into personal growth and take back our most powerful possession, our health and wellbeing. We prioritise ourselves without guilt or shame, and we applaud those who lead the way. We speak up for ourselves and each other, and know our silence and fear are our greatest weaknesses. We allow ourselves to be imperfect, and to learn the lessons it gifts us. We make decisions and actions to ensure we that are truly present, and its in the little moments that matter most. And we share with our daughters, sisters, cousins, nieces, students, workmates, and friends the value of every individual through doing our best to live authentically with integrity. We role model the life we wish for ourselves and other women because our tomorrow starts today.

Happy International Women's day to all the wonderful, magical, powerful, emotional, passionate, vulnerable, unconventional, courageous, incredible women and girls out there who read this, and please share this with those women who have struggled and who stand strong in what is is to be a woman today and tomorrow.